Korean Moms
When I was home visitingone day, my mother made dinner for the whole family. She had made some kind offish stew, and I remember thinking the fish was kind of chewy and didn't tasteso great. I can't remember how much of it I ate, but after we cleared theplates, my dad started laughing at me. "You know where that fish camefrom?" he asked me. Uh, no I don't, I said. "From the garbage!"he cackled. "You ate garbage fish!"
It turns out my mom hadbought a slab of frozen fish from the Korean supermarket a few daysbefore. For some reason, she temporarily placed the fish on our recycling bin,which was in a corner of the kitchen, where it soon became covered withnewspapers and was forgotten that is, until it started to smell. My daduncovered the soggy, defrosted fish and tried to throw it away, but mymom retrieved it. She yelled at him for wasting food and cooked the fish fordinner that night, making sure to boil it extra long to "kill thegerms." My dad refused to touch the stew, but he did watch my sister andme eat it. I guess he figured he would rather his daughters get food poisoningthan risk another scolding from his wife.
Miraculously, we didn'tget sick, but the incident reveals a lot about what it was like being raised bymy mother. A Korean immigrant who came to this ｃountry in the 1960s, shesurvived by wasting nothing and exerting a tyrannical will. She raisedmy sister and me to excel, to act as if resources time, money, food werelimited, and we needed to hustle to make sure we didn't miss the deadline, gobankrupt or starve. I tell most of my friends the fish story and they groan inhorror. I tell my Korean friends the same story and they groan in recognition.My mother didn't worry about poisoning us. She knew we could take it.
Recently, I saw two ofmy Korean-American friends, and we began swapping stories about ourmothers. All three of us are in our late thirties, overeducated and gainfullyemployed (a lawyer, a real estate professional, a professor). All three of us havemothers who are blunt, willful and terrifying. My friend Laura talkedabout how her father was so terrified of her mother that he led a double life.He didn't have a secret lover or a secret drinking problem or a secret gamblingaddiction. He had a secret car. Every morning, he left the house in his oldbeater and drove a block or so away, where his other car, an American brandsedan, was parked. He switched cars and drove to work, reversing the routinewhen he came home in the evening. "How did your mom finally find out aboutthe other car?" I asked Laura. "My dad told us when he was on hisdeathbed," she said. We laughed so hard we started to cry. "My poordad," Laura said. "All he wanted was a car with air-conditioning."
My other friend, Susan,had a mother who did the unthinkable: She got divorced. And not just once, buttwice. Her first marriage was arranged, to a man significantly older than shewas. They had three children together, and when the marriage fell apart,her husband took two of them, leaving Susan to be raised as an only child.Susan did not see her siblings for more than 10 years. Later, Susan's mothermarried a second time, this time to a man she had met in the States. Thatmarriage later dissolved as a result of abuse. Some members of the Koreancommunity thought Susan's mother was selfish and crazy for leaving two husbandsand depriving her daughter of a father. But Susan's mom taught herdaughter well. "Never depend on a man," she told Susan. "Andalways have your own money."
When it comes to gender equality, South Korea ranks at thebottom of international lists. The Wall Street Journal recently interviewed several Koreancitizens, including a 75-year-old woman who looks a lot like my mother."Nowadays women have too much power," she told the reporter."Women should control their temper and let men make decisions." WhenI read her interview, I thought, And this is why I'mglad I don't live in South Korea. But really, the decisionwasn't mine. My mother chose to immigrate here and raise her daughters here. Asinfuriating and irrational as my mother is, she left Korea partly because shedid lose her temper and she refused to let men make decisions. My mother didn'tmake a good Korean wife. And she made a terrifying Korean mother. But shemanaged to raise tough Korean daughters.
My mother would kill meif she read this essay. So would Laura and Susan's mothers, which is why I'vechanged their names. Luckily, my mom doesn't know how to use the Internet, sothe chances are low that she'll read this essay and then yell at me forembarrassing her and bringing shame to the family. But the thing is, sheshouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed. She should be proud. From this Koreandaughter, Happy Mother's Day.
Article Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julia-lee/korean-moms_b_7214562.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592
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VOCABULARY WORDS:
1. Cackle (v.) ~ to laugh or talk in shrillmanner
2. Slab (n.) ~ a broad flat, thick piece ofwood, stone, or other materials
3. Soggy (adj.) ~ soaked
4. Tyrannical (adj.) ~ being extremelyoppressive
5. Swap (v.) ~ to exchange one thing foranother
6. Blunt (adj.) ~ abrupt and often disconcertinglyfrank in speech
7. Fall apart (phrasal verb) ~ to breakdown
8. Deprive (v.) ~ to take something awayfrom
QUESTIONS FORDISCUSSION:
1. How would you describe your mother
2. What is the most important lesson thatyour mother has taught you?
3. Do you think that Koreanmothers are stricter than others? Why?
